holy self-destruction

Anything is possible if you believe in it. If you don’t think it’s possible, you’re just not believing hard enough.

Sometimes though, you may stumble down the staircase of doubt and stress so fast that the outside world will seem like a dark place filled with questionmarks and angry faces. There may be many reasons for you to get into this space, but focussing on them will do you no good. Rather, you will have to find a way to regain your faith in life. Find something to hold on to and take a deep breath before feeling your body and the control you have over its parts. You control your body, you control the present and if you want, you can control your mind. Negativity and doubts will only slow you down in the present, the only realm you have a chance of forming and putting some magic in. So put a smile on your face because that’s how you show people that you are ready to be a magician again. And when you do magic, there will be magic coming back to you in one way or another. Once you regained faith and you feel the state you are in clearly, it becomes easy to identify the limits of what you feel is possible. Push them as far as you can without losing control and you will see that anything is possible indeed. To ensure that you can stay in this realm of magic as long as possible, you should also just focus on one thing at a time. There is no way you can do more than one thing properly anyway. And if you do your best and it still doesn’t work, well then it will later on and there was no way it could have worked.

Life is easy

(via oxane)

Life breaks my bones and I laugh.

I always fell too hard when I fell for someone. But that warm day in May, it dawned on me. The phone rang but I couldn’t pick it up. I stood in the kitchen, barefoot, looking out onto my balcony. There was a man standing on the street lifting up small pebbles, just to throw them down again. He did this for almost half an hour without growing weary of the task. He would lift them up and smack them down. Sometimes he would start running all of a sudden just to jump on yet another pebble, to lift it up and throw it to the ground. Watching him, I couldn’t help but wonder how little I was surprised about what he was doing. He seemed to be so absorbed by the repeated motion and feeling of this simple action that everything else around him lost all its meaning. So in a sense, not his behavior was meaningless, but rather everything else. He had cut off all the connections to the real, and painful world. The world that had made him drink, and beat his wife, I thought. He didn’t see why he should go back to it. And in a way I could relate to him. The more I would give up my own life and time for someone else, the harder it got for me to find purpose outside that relationship, to make my own decisions that were unrelated to my relationships. Everything seemed like a great haze, life’s moods passing me by as they came. The past or the future wouldn’t matter and I would spend days lying in the sun. I would do nothing but to thinking of this or that specific girl, sharpening my mind like a pencil, redrawing every memory I had of her until the sun set and I realized I got burnt. I would give those meditations and drawings my utmost effort and fill every pore of my body with admiration and wonder, and naturally all that could follow would be unprecedented love. But speaking of getting burnt, of course I was burnt too… Nevertheless, unlike the common, burnt child, I still could never wait to put my hands back on the heated stove. And so I sat in the sun again, looking down at the man who was still smashing down his pebbles and I thought about a girl.

(via luxmagazine)

“Beyond the garden and lawn was the dark line of the pine windbreak, through which came the sound of waves. The rough waves of the Pacific. It was a thick, darkish sound, as if many souls were gathered, each whispering his story. They seemed to be seeking more souls to join them, seeking even more stories to be told.”

(via have--not-deactivated20160117)

“love breaks my bones and I laugh” - Charles Bukowski

I am so alive. My body feels like it is mine again after a long time of seperation. And the strong beating of my heart makes my steps lighter. Who would have thought this would happen? Who could have imagined that the rationally impossible would become our shared truth? Since the first day we met I had been dreaming of you breaking my heart. And now it’s a wish coming true as you tear me apart and break every one of my bones. It gives me chills when I think about the fact that you were holding back when you kissed me! Your lips tasted like honey and the look in your eyes alone could have made me lose my mind. And still I know. I know how it feels to be haunted by the weakness of the heart very well. It doesn’t care about moral beliefs or social acceptance. It hits you like a punch and knocks out the last bit of sanity in you. Of course you’ll try not to let go. You have to. But I know very well that it’s already too late to hold back. Your hazelnut colored eyes told me each time you looked at me. We have both decided a long time ago that the only life acceptable for us would be the one on the edge, always ready to take a hit, always impatient to lose it all. Now it is time to take the hit and we are already in the ring.

(via heartshop)

“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. And so I come to you my love, mMy heart above my head. Though I see the danger there, if there’s a chance for me then I don’t care. Fools rush in where wise men never go… But wise men never fall in love, so how are they to know. When we met, I felt my life begin. So open up your heart and let this fool rush in.”

We make so many compromises in our life that when we have a choice, we ought to resist. Life has its predefined, beaten tracks. They’re iluminated with neon lights advertising you benefits that somebody else has discovered long ago. They sell you dreams you never had because after years of walking the beaten tracks you totally forgot the difference between dreams and commercials. We have to walk where noone has dared to walk to find what noone has found before… But a word of caution: don’t be deceived by the self. It’s a treacherous bitch that will drag you back to your habits… and habits are the devils work for they will direct your footsteps right back to what someone else has declared as “the way it should be”. Freedom only co-exists with what “they” call madness.

(via cerensek)

“We will sink and be quiet as mice while the cat is away and do what we want , do what we want”

(via have--not-deactivated20160117)

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Fernand Fonssagrives - Dance movement, 1950

“Give me something I can rely on, far away from the life that I once knew. What does it matter, that’s all I have to say and I can’t imagine…”

(via oxane)